Should You Continue Talking to Your Ex
Have you ever wondered if it's wrong to talk to your ex while you're in a relationship with another person?
If you have and you're still curious, I can tell you that it's often very wrong.
Talking to an ex when you're with someone else is very disrespectful. Your behavior shows that you're holding on to the past when you should be moving forward and making plans with the person you love.
It's especially disrespectful if you're talking to an ex behind your partner's back. In that case, you're not just talking to an ex. You're also being dishonest.
You may be thinking that your partner doesn't have to know about your secret conversations with your ex because the people you talk to are strictly your business.
But that's just not true.
You've entrusted your better half with the details of your life—and this includes the people you talk to.
Besides, you wouldn't want your partner to talk to his or her ex and mess with the stability of your relationship.
Something tells me you like assurance, respect, and the best for yourself and your partner.
So just don't do it.
Don't attempt to withhold information from your partner just so he or she doesn't "cause a scene."
Deliberately not telling your partner that you've talked to your ex is not just a little white lie (something you do to avoid hurting your partner).
It's a sly slap to the face.
Conversely, if you decide to tell your partner that you've spoken to your ex and he or she overreacts because of it, your partner is clearly upset about it.
Don't take his or her negative reaction as an insult and think that your partner doesn't trust you.
Your partner is probably just hurt that you're focusing on the wrong person – the person you used to be intimate with.
So if you're talking to your ex and you're wondering, "Is it okay to talk to an ex while you're in a relationship," today is your "lucky day."
This article will bring you some clarity.
Is it wrong to talk to your ex while you're in a relationship?
It's wrong to talk to your ex because you and your ex felt attracted to each other in the past.
You shared some good, private moments together and romantically liked each other.
In a way, you completed each other for quite some time.
And that's exactly what makes talking to an ex so dangerous.
Due to familiarity (inside jokes, nicknames, speaking styles, hobbies and interests), you're now at risk for falling for each other again.
It happened before and it can certainly happen again—even if you're with someone else.
Here's a picture depicting why it's wrong to talk to your ex while you're dating someone new.
As long as you're on good, flirtatious terms, you as a dumper have a safety net to fall back onto in case your new relationship doesn't live up to your expectations.
And if you're the dumpee and it hasn't even been a year since your ex left you, you're most likely not over your ex anyway. You're still hurting over your loss, so you technically shouldn't even be dating.
You should be taking care of your emotional well-being and working on rebuilding your self-esteem without the help of another person.
I know there are some people who will advise you to get under someone to get over an ex. But those people don't take into consideration that this quick fix will likely make you rebound.
And if it doesn't make you rebound, you'll probably just end up in a relationship with a person you feel nothing toward.
The new relationship will give you a false sense of security (if that's what you're after). But it will also make you skip the self-improvement phase and force you to reminisce about the kind of closeness you felt with your ex-partner.
When is it okay to talk to an ex?
It's okay to talk to your ex only when the following three conditions are met:
- You no longer possess feelings for your ex.
- Your ex no longer possesses feelings for you.
- Your partner knows that you're talking to your ex and is okay with it.
It's absolutely necessary that the three conditions are met before you talk to your ex. If they aren't, at least one of three people involved will get hurt or disappointed.
First of all, if you're talking to your ex when you're still in love with him or her, you're misleading your partner. You're not telling him or her that you'll monkey-branch if an opportunity to be with your ex presents itself.
Secondly, if your ex loves you and you don't love your ex, "pointless" conversations with your ex are hurting your ex. They're prolonging your ex's post-breakup recovery every time you give your ex false hope.
Thirdly, if your partner is unaware of your conversations with your ex and/or doesn't approve of them, you're betraying your partner's trust. You're not respecting your partner's love, trust, and loyalty—and you certainly don't deserve any in return.
So before you talk to your ex with or without your ex's consent, think about whether it causes damage to you, your ex, or your partner.
Chances are that it hasn't been 8 months (the time it usually takes to get over a breakup) and that someone isn't ready to talk on friendly terms yet.
Be very considerate of people's feelings. It's the least they deserve.
What if you have kids with your ex?
Talking to your ex is also okay when the subject of the conversation is not about you or your ex alone.
If it's about your children, mortgage, loans, divorce, property, or anything that requires communication to get finalized, it's perfectly fine to talk about it.
Just make sure that your intentions are selfless and that you talk to your ex strictly about that.
Don't talk about matters that don't concern your ex. Don't talk about things that concern your ex and don't concern you either.
You're not being selfless and considerate that way. It's quite the opposite. You're being selfish and inconsiderate of your ex's feelings.
So before you thoughtlessly reach out to your ex and cause difficulties for everyone involved, ask yourself the following questions:
- Are my intentions selfless?
- Is it necessary for me to contact my ex?
- Will my initiation cause harm to anyone?
If you determine that you urgently need to contact your ex, don't contact your ex just yet.
Talk to your partner first.
Tell him or her that you're going to reach out to your ex for such and such reasons and that you'd like him or her to understand.
Talking to an ex creates trust issues
From what I see, people aren't very happy when someone brings an ex from the past into the picture and talks about him or her.
They tend to become unhappy, envious, or jealous when someone only mentions the name of their partner's ex.
It raises their hairs, ignites their insecurities, and creates trust issues and conflicts that couples certainly don't need in their lives.
So why go through the trouble of reviving an old relationship when there are many more suitable friendships for you out there?
You know that your current and future friends will bring about less anxiety, uncertainty, and harm than your ex-partner will.
Heck, they'll probably help your new relationship blossom and give you healthy relationship advice whenever you need it.
Yet, you seem to wonder whether you should stay friends with your ex and befriend him or her once more.
Dear reader, think about your current partner.
He or she has probably had his or her fair share of betrayals and will probably be suspicious and apprehensive about a possible backstab.
So much so that your partner will likely stay on the lookout for signs of infidelity and might even distance himself or herself from you just to stay on the safe side.
This is bound to happen if you've had a conversation with your partner about talking to your ex and you didn't do anything about it.
It's wrong to talk to your ex when your partner doesn't know, disapproves, and hates it
When you agreed to become exclusive to your partner, you signed a verbal contract with him or her.
You essentially agreed to the terms and conditions of the relationship which consisted of:
- honesty
- loyalty
- transparency
- respect
- love
- care
- contribution
Now, it's possible that you didn't discuss the terms of your relationship with your partner because you didn't think they were necessary.
Maybe you forgot about them or skipped them just the way you usually skip websites and software terms and conditions.
I don't know what happened and I don't really need to know.
The truth is that romantic relationships are self-explanatory. They presume that you know what you're getting yourself into and that you have the tools to manage them.
If you don't know how to manage them or you just don't care, you shouldn't be dating another person.
You haven't grown up yet.
You need to engage in some introspection first and read a few good relationship books to expand your knowledge.
Exes who talk to each other as friends are over each other
There are many dumpees and dumpers who talk to each other on a daily basis and get along fairly well.
Some even hang out frequently and support each other's new relationships.
Such ex-partners tend to be extremely mature individuals who are fully or mainly over each other.
Not only that. They also respect each other's differences and genuinely want the best for each other.
They're true friends. The kind of friends that they were before they committed to each other.
Exes who stay friends also tend to have amicable breakups. They don't hate or belittle each other.
They just go separate ways and spend some time away from each other until they get used to living independently.
And that's something I'd like you to think about for a minute.
If you feel pulled toward your ex or you think that your ex needs more time, wait a while longer before you attempt to reconnect as a friend.
Give it a year or two if your breakup is fresh, ask your partner if he or she is okay with it, and with your partner's approval—reach out to your ex.
Be honest about your intentions and tell your ex that you wish to rekindle your friendship.
If your ex wants the same, he or she will accept your friendship and maybe even meet up with you when the time is right.
But if your ex doesn't want to pursue friendship, tell your ex that you respect his or her decision and continue to enjoy your relationship with your partner.
He or she deserves most of your attention anyway.
Is it wrong to talk to your ex while you're in a relationship? Have you ever spoken to an ex behind your partner's back? Leave a comment because I'd like to hear your experience/opinion.
Source: https://magnetofsuccess.com/is-it-wrong-to-talk-to-your-ex-while-in-a-relationship/
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